Dying to meet Bad Roger? What a way to go!

ROGER SIMON r

November 25, 1991|By ROGER SIMON

Letters, calls and the roar of the crowd:

Eileen Shields, Westminster: I am taking the liberty of enclosing a recent clipping from The Carroll County Sun about my daughters and me living without TV.

I had mentioned to the reporter that my dying wish -- I am not dying but may soon be unemployed, which is close to the same thing -- was to meet Roger Simon, who has written occasionally on this topic.

Wouldn't you have a curious desire to find out what one could possibly find so amusing in Westminster as to eschew television? Come to Westminster sometime. We'll do lunch.

P.S. Bring Bad Roger.

COMMENT: Good Roger replies: "I am always delighted to visit people in The Sun's far-flung readership area. And, with the Holiday Season soon upon us, I would love to take the opportunity to explain how Sun subscriptions and Sun ads are the perfect Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanza gift."

Bad Roger replies: "Keep dreaming, Eileen. I was in Westminster once, and it was closed."

*

Glenn R. Shockley, Baltimore: I have just finished your column about the college student's dilemma concerning which newspaper he should read -- the Post or The Sun. Easy solution. He could buy The Sun and read the Post in the library.

COMMENT: A college kid go to a library? C'mon, Glenn, what planet do you live on? The obvious solution is for the kid to get two subscriptions to The Sun and forget about the Post. By the way, have I mentioned how rolled-up copies of The Sun make perfect stocking stuffers?

*

Philippa W. Pessagno, Reisterstown: Anyone who travels Glen Falls Road near the intersection of Route 140 (Westminster Pike) in Baltimore County knows that it is a haven for hunters and poachers all year long.

A few weeks ago, my husband had occasion to witness a hunter dismembering a deer, gutting it and leaving the head and innards on the side of the road for everyone to see.

How can hunters condone this? No wonder so many people hate hunting and the irresponsible participants of what is called sport.

COMMENT: I'm afraid you are seriously out of step with the times. It is now politically correct to support deer hunting. That's because deer interfere with real estate development, eat people's azaleas and jump in front of their BMWs.

PTC Those guys gutting that deer were doing a public service. They were making the world safe for yuppies.

*

Elayne Fedder, Baltimore:

Simpson and Specter and Hatch

Found a victim who wasn't their match

In a vile inquisition

From their lawyers' tradition

They proceeded to reel in their catch.

Now Simpson and Hatch and Specter

Did their best to try and connect her

To a liberal plot

Or a psychosis she'd got,

And the Committee did naught to protect her.

So Hatch and Specter and Simpson

Taught the country a lesson and then some

The lesson it learned

So as not to get burned

) See SIMON, 2B, Col. 1 SIMON, from 1B

to keep your mouth shut or you'll get some.

Women are often painted as trash

When they make accusations so rash.

To know why it took years

To speak up, despite fears,

Just ask Simpson and Specter and Hatch.

COMMENT:

Readers with such skills

Lead my bosses to wonder:

$ Why do they need me?

*

John Celentano, Randallstown: I have always thought of you as a man of worldly views who writes with verve and sagacity. Now, I realize you can't think beyond Northern Parkway.

Your remark about never seeing the point of Canada is a low blow. Canadians are far too smart and tolerant to be duped by their southern neighbors.

Canadians know that Americans just don't get it! You, my pompous pimplehead, have distinguished yourself by showing your true colors.

COMMENT: I was just kidding. My mother was born in Canada, and she never wanted me to forget my heritage. Which is why every time I would go home for visits she would gently touch my cheek and say: "How about a couple of brews, ey?"

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