To reach your goals you have to focus on your own talents and abilities

COPING

October 29, 1991|By Barbara Turk, M.S.

You want to be successful like the others -- whether at work, or in their social lives, they get things going for themselves.

You copy their ideas and actions, go after what they go after, buyou can't seem to make it happen for yourself.

Of course, you can't. Not the way you're going about it. Being a clone of the other guy, focusing on him, will keep you an imitation forever.

So, how do you become successful? Change your focus:

* Don't permit yourself to contrast others' success with your lack of it. Dwelling on negative things crumbles your self-esteem and wipes out the confidence you need to be successful.

* Rather than focusing on how others do things, look inside yourself. You have (just as they have) assets -- talents, ideas, humor, etc. Developing them will enable you to make a unique contribution, and that kind of contribution leads to success.

* Instead of going after what they go after, set your own realistic goals. Even if sometimes your goal is the same as theirs, (a better job, for example), think it through. Then set up your own game plan, which will enable you to "own" that goal -- and will make you even more diligent in accomplishing it.

Remember, by putting forth the best of yourself -- that which is uniquely your own -- you can begin to make good things happen for you.

Barbara Turk is a psychotherapist in private practice.

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