At The End, Here's Who Gets What

Will Leaves Mcmillen An Auto Guide "How To Handle A Bentley"

October 06, 1991|By Phil Greenfield

A sobering life-cycle event just experienced by yours truly and wife: the drawing up of the will and trust agreement by the family lawyer. Mortality rears its ugly head, even at baby boomers.

The good news: You're worth a couple hundred grand.

The bad news: It ain't gonna be in cash as long as your heart is beating.

With an estate as richly diverse as mine, it's never too early to start thinking about those lucky souls who are going to be receiving my worldly possessions.

So, being of sound mind . . . er . . . Aw, what the heck, here's who gets what.

* To the Northeast High School Booster Club: my lovely wall-hanging of the Northeast Fight Song transcribed into a Gregorian chant.

* To the General Assembly and the state Senate: a large map of Maryland and my collection of cookie-cutters. Reapportion away, gang!

* To Gov. William DonaldSchaefer: reserved space in the ambulance that takes me on my final journey to the hospital for the sick person of his choice, no questions asked.

* To Tom McMillen: my favorite automotive guide book, entitled "How To Handle a Bentley." I'll also leave him my personal copy of "What Color Is Your Parachute?" in case the manual doesn't help.

* To the great State of Maryland: I leave all my worldly assets. Go buy yourself a state trooper or two. For a year, anyway.

* To Jean Creek and Ruth Gray: a subsidized week up at Camp David with my good friend Jimmy Carter. Hey, it worked with Begin and Sadat.

* Tothe Broadneck High School football announcer: my copy of the Annapolis High School roster. Maybe with a team listing in his hand, he might deign to name an occasional visiting player. "The ball carrier is tackled by Broadneck's Charlie Brown, Bruin Bill Johnson, Bruin John Doe, and Bruin Larry Roe of the Broadneck defense!"

He sure announced a lot of Broadneck players. Not a lot of Broadneck points, but a lot of Broadneck players.

* To Tom McCarthy: my Simon and Garfunkel"Bridge Over Troubled Waters" album.

* To Maryland Hall: my shower stall. Put it on stage and let your visiting artists stand in thereand perform. It could only help the sound.

* To former County Executive O. James Lighthizer, who probably thought I'd never remember him in my will: You were wrong! Hello, O. J.

* To the Anne Arundel public libraries: I leave mint-condition copies of two of my favoritevolumes: " 'Yeah, Sure I Go Here, Just Gimme The Ball': A Season with the AACC Men's Basketball Squad"; and "More Beautiful Than Some Junior High Schools: The Architectural Aesthetics of Parole."

* To the Broadneck Boosters: my Pat O'Malley doll.

* To the bureaucratic busybodies from the State Department of Education who oversee the Maryland School Performances Program: I leave 32 Level One students in aseventh-period, ninth-grade "Law" Class.

OK, hot shot! Show me how it's done!

* To Tower Records: I leave my mortal remains sprinkled over the cut-out bins. May he rest in peace, P.G.

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