Man wants to move slowly with woman next door

SINGLE FILE

September 29, 1991|By SUSAN DEITZ

Q: I'm falling in love with a woman who lives next door. We are slowly becoming good friends. Because I see the opportunity for a more intimate relationship, I feel the need to "rush" things. But common sense tells me to cultivate this relationship like a flower garden, unlike other relationships I've had. She seems likewise attracted to me. What should I do? How should I act?

A: To make this friendship bloom, continue to think of it as a flower garden and you will reap an abundant harvest. There is no sensible reason to speed the pace, since true feelings can only ripen with time. Rushing gets you nowhere -- fast. Listen to your head and let your common sense decide the tempo of this budding romance. Be a good neighbor and a caring friend and above all nurture the seeds of a love partnership. Cultivate mutual respect and understanding, and the rest will follow as naturally as the seasons.

OC Q: I returned home one day last year to find that my wife of 10

years, who had decided "to find herself," had left and taken all our personal possessions. She had them shipped 500 miles away. And I am still bitter and angry.

It is not only the monetary loss that infuriates me, but her taking items that meant a great deal to me: family heirlooms, personal mementos, even diaries, business records and address books. I feel that much of my history has been lost. My lawyer advises me to write off everything she took, that I will never see them again. I have even offered to buy these things back, but she refuses. Although spouses cleaning each other out during an impending divorce is not unusual, I have never read about how to deal with it. Have you any advice or know of any sources to consult?

A: You should put dating on the back burner and start doing the things you enjoy to put this situation out of your mind for a while. The happier you make your life, the faster you will be able to regain a sense of trust in people. Also, readers, can you help this man? Write your own experiences and the solutions you have found to work in this situation.

Questions for Susan Deitz should be addressed to Susan Deitz, Features Department, The Sun, Baltimore, Md. 21278. All correspondence is confidential. Ms. Deitz welcomes letters from readers and will answer all those accompanied by a self-addressed stamped envelope.

Los Angeles Times Syndicate

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