If John Candy can't get any laughs with ''Delirious,'' no one can.
In the film, Candy, a most ingratiating comedy actor, plays a soap writer who clunks himself on the chin and finds himself playing a role in the series he is writing.
He soon discovers that he can take the plot wherever he chooses simply by writing it that way.
The story sounds very promising, but nothing comes of it. The new film does have two or three laughs, but they are never enough to justify the length. ''Soapdish' also made fun of the soaps, but the producers of that film had considerably more success.
The cast of ''Delirious'' is far more interesting than the material. Raymond Burr, in a rare big-screen appearance, plays a tycoon who is trying to win control of a new formula that will allow people to eat all they want and never get fat.
The tycoon has two sons and a daughter. One son wears an eye patch, the other seems to be dying from poison, and the daughter is a schemer who is in love with her leading man.
Emma Samms is the daughter. Others who appear in the film are Robert Wagner, as himself, Renee Taylor and Jerry Orbach. Wagner does well, but the others do not. They have nothing to be delirious about, nor do we.
''Delirious,'' which has been sitting on the shelf since December, is showing at local theaters. See it, only if you are a devout Candy fan, but be prepared to be disappointed.
* A soap writer discovers that he is living the series he has created.
CAST: John Candy, Emma Samms, Raymond Burr, Mariel Hemingway, Robert Wagner, Renee Taylor, Jerry Orbach
DIRECTOR: Tom Mankiewicz
RATING: PG (language)
RUNNING TIME: 95 minutes