"Things must get boring here," remarks a newcomer to the desert island of "Return to the Blue Lagoon."
"What is the definition of boring?" replies the genuinely puzzled Richard (Brian Krause), who has lived there all his life.
Tell ya what, Rich. Wait until this movie arrives at your local outlet of South Seas Video Rental. Get a copy and pop it into your VCR.
The meaning of the word will become all too clear.
The film, which would better be titled "Remake of the Blue Lagoon," is a tiresome rehash of the 1980 original, which itself wasn't exactly "The Tempest." Its premise is utterly absurd, its message annoyingly simplistic.
As the film begins, a ship sailing the South Pacific in the late 19th century comes across a tiny boat containing two bodies and a live baby boy. (The corpses are presumably those of Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins, stars of the first film. Is this a metaphor for their respective careers?)
The youngster is immediately adopted by a young widow (Lisa Pelikan) who has a little girl of her own. A day or two later, the ship's doctor realizes there's a cholera epidemic on board, and everyone will soon be dead.
So the widow and the two kids set back out in the tiny boat. Amazingly, they end up at the same island where Ms. Shields and Mr. Atkins frolicked so gaily a decade earlier.
The years pass. The widow eventually dies. The kids grow up. They start noticing their bodies are somewhat different and begin wondering why this is so.
They find out.
All is blissful until yet another ship arrives at the island and these totally uninhibited kids come face to face with "civilized" behavior. After getting a taste of the sailors' greed, propensity for violence and repressed sexuality, they decide they'd rather remain on the island.
Ms. Pelikan is a splendid actress, and she gives the film its only watchable moments. As the young couple, Milla Jovovich and Brian Krause look great in minimal clothing, which was basically their function.
'Return to the Blue Lagoon'
Starring Brian Krause and Milla Jovovich.
Directed by William A. Graham.
Released by Columbia Pictures.