You can call me . . .
The Elias Sports Bureau does more than keep up with batting averages and ERAs.
The agency, after lengthy research, announced Thursday that New York Mets infielder Keith Miller has 32 nicknames, the most of any active major-league player. He surpasses Roger Clemens' 29. Among Miller's nicknames are "Oliver," "Fresh," "Goggles," "The Igniter," and "Mills" and "Millsie."
Hot-dog vendor takes money, runs
Oakland Athletics fans got their red hots, and Thomas Hagins apparently hot-footed it out of town.
Police are looking for Hagins, 29, a manager for the Oakland Coliseum's concessionaire, after $700,000 in revenue from the sale of hot dogs, beer, sodas and snacks at last weekend's A's-New York Yankees games was discovered missing.
Police do not know where Hagins is hiding, but they are following a green trail: $2,000 wired to his mother, $1,000 in $20 bills left to his roommate and a Ford truck left in the Oakland Airport parking lot.
The money was stolen from a company safe, according to a police report. Food for thought is the revelation that Hagins' co-workers probably could have been a tad more suspicious since he had asked many of them about how to enter Mexico quietly.
In the green
Further proof that old golfers don't die, they simply go to the bank: In 1980, the first year of the Senior PGA Tour, there were only two events worth a total of $250,000. This year, there are 42 events with purses totaling $19.87 million.
Even Boomer has aches and pains
Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Boomer Esiason, an arthritis sufferer and spokesman for the Arthritis Foundation, says nearly all football players end up with arthritis when they retire.
"Football players are so crazy that, including [exhibition] games, we're out there banging into each other 20 times a year for three hours at a time," Esiason told Cindy T. McDaniel of Arthritis Today. "That's not what humans were meant to do."
He's also rude
When Kevin Kelley, the WBA's No. 10-ranked featherweight, knocked out James Pipps last week in Monticello, N.Y., he bent over Pipps, put a glove in his face and yelled, "It's over!" as the referee finished his count.
Explained Kelley: "I'm colorful."
Seattle Mariners pitcher Randy Johnson: "I know people criticize me, but there aren't very many sportswriters who are 6 feet 10 and are going to go out there and try to do what I do."