Who Needs It?

July 14, 1991|By DAVID GRIMES | DAVID GRIMES,David Grimes is a columnist for the Sarasota Herald-Tribune.

Sarasota, Florida. -- One of the things that makes relationships between men and women so difficult is that each has different needs. At least, that's the message I got after reading Herb Goldberg's book, "What Men Really Want."

According to Mr. Goldberg, men shy away from commitment because it makes them feel vulnerable and weak. Women, on the other hand, crave intimacy and feel angry and frustrated when men pull back.

I'm sure this psychological evaluation of the war between the sexes has a lot of merit, but some of the subtleties were lost on me. Being the rigid, controlling, cold, aloof, insensitive, patronizing male that I am, it seems to me that the whole matter can be summed up in a short list:

What Men Really Want: Shoes.

What Women Really Want: New shoes.

What Men Really Want: The toilet seat up.

What Women Really Want: The toilet seat down.

What Men Really Want: A barbecue grill.

What Women Really Want: Patio furniture.

What Men Really Want: An invigorating shower.

What Women Really Want: A relaxing bath.

What Men Really Want: Windows.

What Women Really Want: Window treatments.

What Men Really Want: Haircuts.

What Women Really Want: Hairdos.

What Men Really Want: Service.

What Women Really Want: Atmosphere.

What Men Really Want: Solutions.

What Women Really Want: Discussions.

What Men Really Want: True-or-false exams.

What Women Really Want: Essay exams.

What Men Really Want: Freedom.

What Women Really Want: Intimacy.

What Men Really Want: Celery sticks.

What Women Really Want: Crudites.

What Men Really Want: Big rooms.

What Women Really Want: Big closets.

What Men Really Want: Sturdy.

What Women Really Want: Dainty.

What Men Really Want: Objectivity.

What Women Really Want: Subjectivity.

What Men Really Want: The sports section.

What Women Really Want: The style section.

What Men Really Want: Parties.

What Women Really Want: Surprise parties.

What Men Really Want: Gyms.

What Women Really Want: Spas.

What Men Really Want: This column to end.

What Women Really Want: This column to end.

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