You and your spouse get along on the big stuff. But on unimportant little stuff, it's a disaster: So you forget a phone message or maybe you leave things lying around, what's the big deal? You tell him/her it's not important, but he still gets mad.
Of course he does. And behind the anger are hurt feelings at the lack of respect he feels coming from you.
You do respect him. It's just that he makes too much of the daily nitty-gritty.
Yes, but life is made up of the daily nitty-gritty and when, day by day, you ignore the small things your spouse find important, you're sending the message that what he wants doesn't matter, therefore, he doesn't matter.