How to act at reunion


June 23, 1991|By SUSAN DEITZ | SUSAN DEITZ,Los Angeles Times Syndicate

Q: My fiance lives across the country. We've been engaged two years and are sure of our love. He's coming here in two months, and I'm afraid that when I see him I'll be at a loss for words. I know I'll cry when I see him, but what comes next? We have so much to catch up on.

A: When true feelings are mutual, no need to panic about catching up. After the tears, the two of you will settle quite naturally into an easy familiarity and talk like the old friends you are.

Let it flow. You're not being tested for accuracy or timing; this reunion is between friends.

Q: I'm a 27-year-old male homosexual. I have remained "in the closet" out of fear of the typical reactions to homosexuality. I've also remained celibate up to now, not attracted to women and refusing to admit my attraction to men.

In the last few years I've come to terms with my sexuality. Although not particularly overjoyed about it, I can accept it even if those around me probably won't. But for the last few years I've been feeling an overwhelming emptiness, feeling isolated as friends drift away to pursue lives with spouses and children. I feel left out of society. Worse yet, I can only see the situation getting worse if I don't make a change in my lifestyle somehow.

What I think I need is to meet and socialize with other homosexuals in a casual atmosphere, yet do it without making public the secret of my sexuality. My problem is that I have no idea how to begin. I'm sure this move into the gay scene

is my only hope for self-worth.

A: A good place to begin your outreach toward socializing is the nearest Metropolitan Community Church. Look for it in the phone book of the nearest large city. And as you're looking, jot down a listing for a gay men's health crisis office. Both resources are for gay men and should be able to supply referrals and support. Remember, you are not alone with the feelings you are experiencing.

Read the "The Male Couple," by David P. McWhite and Andrea Mecteor, and "Coming Out To Parents," by Mary V. Borhek. Both books will give you direct, honest answers about being a male homosexual in today's society.

Questions for Susan Deitz should be addressed to Susan Deitz, Features Department, The Sun, Baltimore, Md. 21278. All correspondence is confidential. Ms. Deitz welcomes letters from readers and will answer all those accompanied by a self-addressed stamped envelope.

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