So they want more tests, do they? Here comes one now. Grab your Number 2 pencil, break that all-important seal and get to work. And remember: Incomplete erasures may be read as intended responses.
1. Which of the following statements has not been attributed to George Bush?
A. "I want to be the education president."
B. "Read my lips -- no new taxes."
C. "Money makes the world go 'round."
2. George Bush was elected president in 1988. Why did it take him until 1991 to come up with a comprehensive education policy?
A. He's been busy lately.
B. He didn't want to seem pushy.
C. It got lost on his desk.
3. Lamar Alexander is to Lauro Cavazos as Norman Schwarzkopf is to:
A. Douglas MacArthur.
B. Napoleon Bonaparte.
C. Pee-wee Herman.
4. Where does education rate among the Bush administration's domestic priorities?
C. What domestic priorities?
5. Don't know much about history.
6. Don't know much biology.
7. Don't know much about science book.
8. Don't know much about the French I took.
9. The first results of the Bush administration's reform efforts will not be known until after the 1992 elections. This is:
A. A coincidence.
B. Just the way the ball bounces.
C. Good planning.
10. What is the greatest short-term benefit of the Bush administration's new focus on education?
A. An increased sense of self-esteeem for America's students.
B. Renewed commitment to excellence by America's school administrators.
C. Taking people's minds off the Kurds.
11. One suggested reform calls for giving extra money to schools that show the most improvement on standardized tests. This is:
A. Only fair -- who deserves help more than the children who are already making progress?
B. Only fair -- those other schools would probably just waste it on their kids.
C. The perfect philosophic cousin of capital-gains tax cuts for the rich.
12. The Democratic Party leaves the White House in January of 1981, traveling at a constant rate of minus six miles an hour. If the Republican Party manages to take the Democrats' best domestic issue away from them, at what time will the Democrats reach total oblivion?
13. Jason is twice as old as Shawn, but only half as old as Marika was when she was five years younger than Kim. How long will it be before Jason claims that a "national standards" test is culturally biased?
14. Experts say that repeating the successes of "model" schools will require many more "model" teachers. These teachers will be produced:
A. By offering pay that's competitive with other options for talented graduates.
L B. By increasing public respect for the teaching profession.
C. By the Teacher Fairy.
15. President Bush has admitted that he finds it much more interesting to deal with foreign issues than domestic ones. Choose an important domestic issue, and design a program that will engage the president's attention long enough to do the country some good.
16. President Bush's reform package is worth considering because:
A. We can't do much worse.
B. We can't do much worse.
C. We can't do much worse.
Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist.