Mostly foggy weather retort

Kevin Cowherd

April 17, 1991|By Kevin Cowherd

THE CH. 4 weather is brought to you by Toyota and your local Toyota dealer, who invites you to . . ."

Is it going to rain tomorrow?

". . . stop in and see what all the excitement is about!"

I'm excited to hear if it's gonna rain.

"Boy, it was beautiful out there today, Skip! Spent all day in that gorgeous sunshine working on my azaleas."

Great. Is it gonna rain tomorrow?

"Well, you sure look like you got some color, Pat! How are those azaleas coming along, anyway?"

Excuse me, you two want to be alone?

"Oh, they're coming along real well. So are the tulips. Y'know, we planted them at the tail end of last summer, so we weren't sure what was going to happen with 'em."

Terrific. Skip, Pat . . . anyone know if it's gonna rain tomorrow?

"Folks, you can't see it, but our floor director just held up a bag of fertilizer! Is that a commentary on my azaleas or me? Ha, ha, ha! Ken, you're too much!"

Yeah, Ken. You're too much.

"Anyway, let's get right to the weather."

Gee. And miss all these laughs?

"Turning to the satellite map . . ."

Please. Not the satellite map.

". . . we see a low-pressure system forming over the Gulf of Mexico."

Yep, there it is. Low-pressure system over the Gulf.

"Parts of Texas and Louisiana had 10 inches of rain today."

Whew. Imagine that. Speaking of rain, is it gonna rain HERE?

"As you can see, there's also lots of thunderstorm activity and flooding in the Ohio Valley."

There's ALWAYS thunderstorm activity and flooding in the Ohio Valley. Why don't those people move?

"We're also getting reports of tornadoes in Kansas."

Although I wouldn't aim the Mayflower vans toward Abilene.

"In fact, here's some footage of a twister taken by our sister station KDKT in Topeka that shows a farm -- WHOA! LOOK AT THAT GRAIN SILO SPINNING IN THE AIR! IS THAT SOMETHING?!"

Absolutely riveting. Say, any word on the weather in OUR area?


Thank God. Say, that old guy wouldn't know if it's gonna rain tomorrow, would he?

"Turning to the temperature map . . ."

Please. Not the temperature map.

". . . we see the middle portion of the country basking in 60- and 70-degree weather. Just perfect for growing azaleas."

Pat, not the azaleas again.

"Up around Wisconsin and Minnesota, though, the temperatures are downright frigid in the 20s and 30s."

Yeah, yeah. I bet it's chilly near the Arctic Circle, too.

"But look at Miami. Sunny and 90!"

This message brought to you by the Greater Miami Chamber of Commerce.

"Checking the local radar now . . ."

Please. Not the local radar.

". . . we see a line of clouds to the north and east of the city, which COULD mean rain shower activity."

There's something the farmers can really hang their hats on.

"The key is going to be this storm right here off the coast of Virginia. If it heads out to sea, we'll be OK. But if it turns toward land . . ."

We're all doomed?

". . . there's a chance we could have some rough weather the next few days."

So what you're saying is, heads the storm turns, tails it doesn't.

"There's also a hurricane off the coast of Puerto Rico that we're tracking."

Well, that about covers North America. What's the weather like in Europe, Pat?

"Now let's get right to tomorrow's forecast."

What, so soon?

"We're calling for a 50-percent chance of rain tomorrow . . ."

Awwww. Bummer.

". . . unless that high pressure system moves in from Canada."

Waffle, waffle.

"In which case, there's a 50-percent chance of sunshine."

Say what?

"Now here's the five-day forecast . . ."


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