Personal ads sometimes prove the power of the pen


April 14, 1991|By SUSAN DEITZ | SUSAN DEITZ,Los Angeles Times Syndicate

Q: The two reasons for this letter are that personal ads ca work out great and that they are not just for losers. I've just bought an engagement ring for the woman I met two years ago through an ad in a local paper.

We're both delightfully happy and are grateful that this way of meeting people is available.

Of course, a well-written ad generates a number of responses, some of which won't work out.

But remember, it only takes one meaningful response to make us happy -- or at least most of us.

A: Personals are one option among many, one way to connect with people you might never meet any other way. In my own family, I have seen them bring together two people whose work keeps them at opposite ends of the world.

Yes, personals can work wonders. As witness your happiness.

Q: On behalf of Parents Without Partners Inc., I want to thank you for your reference to our organization. Too often single parents are not aware that there is a support group such as ours to ease the transition into single parenthood.

In addition to the many excellent educational, family and social programs we offer, some chapters also have an International Youth Council. The IYC is formed to provide support to teens in single-parent families. However, their parents do not necessarily have to bemembers of PWP in order for the child to be involved in the council.

A: It constantly amazes me that many (too many) single parents do not know about the granddaddy of single-parent groups.

With more than 1,000 chapters worldwide, and membership of more than 200,000, PWP has earned its niche in single world. Those interested in finding out the group should call (800) 637-7974.

Q: I am 52, widowed for five years. After two years alone, I innocently became involved with a gentleman 20 years my senior. I was honest about the age difference and at that time did not want to remarry. We have a wonderful relationship and ultimately fell in love.

And my feelings toward remarriage changed. He is not a man of means and cannot offer me any more than I have right now, in the material sense. I feel it is unfair to ask him to go to work and feel that it is time to move on with someone closer to my age.

Why do I feel so emotionally bound to him? I can't seem to let go.

Many have said ours is an "interim" relationship and that I knew I would never marry him. How can I let go? He is so comfortable to be with.

A: You've answered your own question: "Comfortable" is no easier to leave than to come by. And now that you have found a safe and loving haven, you are reluctant -- and afraid -- to leave.

Nothing difficult to understand in that -- a comfortable mooring feels good. What you need to know is why you must leave. Some soul-searching will produce the reasons. And if they indicate the need for a new man in your life, then you must take a deep breath and walk away from the current one . . . despite his goodness.

Questions for Susan Deitz should be addressed Susan Deitz, Features Department, The Sun, Baltimore, Md. 21278. All correspondence is confidential. Ms. Deitz welcomes letters from readers and will answer all those accompanied by a self-addressed stamped envelope.

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