As a chronicler of all things trendy, it is my duty to stay abreast of fashion bandwagon issues. Right now, that means following environmental studies. And the media have reported some rather alarming news.
Emissions from the manufacture of nylon are eating away at the Earth's protective ozone layer, says a recently released study by the American Association for the Advancement of Science. The study also warns that nylon manufacturing speeds warming of the earth's climate by the greenhouse effect.
To the environmentally correct, this spells disaster. It means we all must do our part to right this ecological wrong.
Personally, I'm willing to make the ultimate sacrifice: I'm swearing off panty hose. And I'm asking all ecologically aware fashion fans to do the same. Together, we can stage an all-out boycott of nylon stockings. Even the kind without panties attached.
Oh, it'll be tough at first. No more pulling and tugging to get those wonders of modern technology to completely cover the thighs (What's that? You say maybe I should try queen-sized? Puh-leeze. I'll have you know I am a princess, not a queen).
* No more twisting and turning to get heel and toe of the stocking to meet our own.
* No more sucking in our collective gut to get that cotton crotch to reach above mid-thigh.
* No more carrying around clear nail polish to stop spur-of-the-moment runs.
What, you may ask, will women wear on their legs instead of panty hose? One option is to switch to all-cotton tights. But I'm feeling more radical than that. I'm voting for that time-honored favorite of American males: pants.
They cover your legs, they're warmer and more comfortable than stockings and they never run. Trousers also provide an excellent alternative to the seemingly never-ending hemline debate.
That's it. Starting tomorrow, all women wear trousers to work.
Just be sure to check the content label. No nylon allowed.