Family is haven, not competitive group of people


January 27, 1991|By SUSAN DEITZ | SUSAN DEITZ,Los Angeles Times Syndicate

Q: I believe in the family arrangement as it once was (a place one could find security), but in today's world it's every one for oneself.

Where once the family was the staple of society, today's economics make that concept a joke.

In the majority of current families both partners work while their kids are raised by day-care centers.

And it's not easy to find romance with a competitor. In fact, I'm not sure it's even desirable.

When you talk about sex as lovingness, it doesn't convince me, because people need to satisfy their sexual craving as they do their hunger for food.

Treat it that way, and there are no problems.

A: Treat sex that way and there would be no family. And that would be horrendous indeed, though there is no way it will happen.

Most of us need more than a sated libido in our relationships, and most of us prefer a smooth flow of partnership rather than episodic bursts of good feelings.

You've got it wrong, dear friend, when you see the family as group competition. A safe and loving home is top priority for most men and women, whether or not it entails wedding vows. This is a journey we all walk independently, true, but that in no way spells the end of the family. Singles can have two families, actually: Their blood relatives and a circle of enriching friendships. Sharing is the highest expression of our individuality.

As for sex, well, it can be a metaphor for spiritual union. It need be nothing less.

Questions for Susan Deitz should be addressed Susan Deitz, Features Department, The Sun, Baltimore, Md. 21278. All correspondence is confidential. Ms. Deitz welcomes letters from readers and will answer all those accompanied by a self-addressed stamped envelope.

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