Top 10 lists

December 31, 1990

Not long ago, we offered you the top 10 things you should know about the top 10 lists that usually appear on "Late Night with David Letterman," then we asked you to come up with your own lists about three selected topics. We sifted through more than 100 submitted lists to present the best of the entries. Here they are, and, to the victims, remember: These weren't our ideas:

BY FAR, OUR most popular category was the top 10 pet peeves of the Oriole Bird:

10. I'm tired of shaking my tail feathers. I'm an artist! (from Natalie Davis of Baltimore.)

9. Whenever he's in a bar, Billy Martin's ghost punches him. (from John Derr of Hagerstown.)

8. Must pre-break all of Bo Jackson's bats, so he "looks good" when he strikes out. (from Hetty Haden of Reisterstown.)

7. Tired of hearing how Coyote got shaft at weird Uncle Road Runner's holiday dinner. (from Robert A. Reiner.)

6. Two words: Duck season (from Frank Barron of Reisterstown.)

5. Sick of Cher calling him every time she gets drunk. (from John Schech of Severna Park.)

4. Ball girl's parents dead set against inter-species marriage (Brian Cary Sokolow of Baltimore.)

3. Present hairstyle makes beak look too big; constantly mistaken for Jamie Farr. (from Mike Weiners of Perry Hall.)

2. "First 1,000 fans get to pluck a feather night" (from Jonathan J. Brune. )

1. Curious fans constantly trying to discover if he's "ornithologically correct." (from Andy Hinkle, Russell Rupp and John Hebert of Baltimore.)

Some folks got completely out of control. Stephen D. Emche of Lutherville sent us a top 50 pet peeves of the Oriole Bird. Here are our 10 favorites:

10. Embarrassed by some recent photos published of him during "shedding season."

9. Smells like hell when he's wet.

8. When out of uniform, tired of "Oh, you're the idiot in that suit?" comment.

7. Tired of the question, "Are you a muppet?"

6. Often caught with "Pluck me" signs on his back.

5. Can't stop calling Frank Robinson "dude."

4. Frequently goes into spasms and just pecks people to death.

3. Is getting a "worm gut."

2. Frequents Maryland highways late at night in search of fresh road kill.

1. Usually gets slapped when he utters, "Hey baby, there's room for another in here!"

Top Ten recent entries in Sally Thorner's checkbook

10. Late fee for Howard the Duck video from Erol's (from Stephen Brown of Randallstown).

9. $50--Air guitar lessons for next Oriole promo.

8. $19.95--Another box of snakes for Stan. Ha!

7. $109--Red glasses like Sally Jessy Raphael.

6. $1,796.33--20 gallon industrial-size can of "Smile Brite" (all from Natalie Davis of Baltimore).

5. $92.61--Nails by "Ramone" (from David S. Blair of Cockeysville).

4. $100,000 to a good friend to "knock off" Stan Stovall (anonymous).

3. $10--Flowers for going-away gift for my best buddy, Glen . . . er, Len . . . er, Ken Philips.

2. $25--Flowers to welcome my new best buddy, Norm Lewis.

1. $45--Small bottle of new fragrance, "Eau de Cronkite." (all from Jeff Kollar of Severn.


Top ten things overheard during a conversation between William Donald Schaefer and Hilda Mae Snoops:

10. "No, I can't spell palimony." (from Lou Kraus of Glen Rock, Pa.)

9. "Poor Leona . . . Pour, Leona!" (from Joseph R. Blair of Baltimore.)

8. "I don't know what the fuss is over the State Police watching over our homes. I could always call in the National Guard."

7. "Some people out on those streets just don't appreciate really fine fountains." (both from Jenny L. Heinbaugh of Parkville.)

6. "Look, Hilda Mae. It was hard enough to get that stadium built. I don't think they will let me name it after you." (from David S. Blair of Cockeysville.)

5. "But what if [Evening Sun columnist Dan] Rodricks has Caller ID?" (from Jeff Kollar of Severn.)

4. "But Pumpkin, I don't want a matching tattoo of Kurt on my rump!" (from Brian Cary Sokolow of Baltimore).

3. "The next few years are going to be very important to the sports fans of our state. If you want to be a part of it, there is something you must learn. Listen carefully, Willie Don. This is important. The little white one is the baseball. The one with points is the football." (from Larry Ronis of Randallstown.)

2. "I hope the weather is nice at the coronat . . . er . . . inauguration in January."

1. "Let's do it . . . NOW!!!" (both from John and Tricia McKay.)

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