It is eggnog time again.
Just about this time every year I print the recipe for the best eggnog in the world, mine.
And every year about this time people read the recipe, try it, then enter a state of high-fat bliss.
They laugh, they smile, they sing. They feel goodwill toward men, including investment bankers.
Then they lose the recipe.
And 12 months later they call me up, in a panic.
They tell me about the wonderful time they had last year. And under questioning, they tell me where they last saw the recipe. "It was right there," one of them will say, "plastered on the rump of the person in front of me in the conga line. And before you know it, it was gone."
I am sympathetic. Better to have congaed and lost (the recipe), than not to have congaed at all.
So for the first few callers, I read out the recipe. It takes me a while, because I too have misplaced the recipe. But as the holidays draw closer, my patience wears thinner.
I don't have time to be reading recipes out over the phone. I've got things to do. Like shop for the 60,000 toys and toy parts that every kid on the planet, including mine, wants. But of course every toy store on the planet doesn't have these items, until after the holidays. It is enough to clog your arteries.
So I devised a little plan to ease my holiday stress. It is called reprint the recipe. I've been doing it for several years now. It has become a holiday ritual.
People still call up and ask for the recipe. And I politely tell them the date of the paper that recipe appeared. This sends the callers scurrying through the mound of newspapers they have hidden in the basement, in preparation for their holiday party.
If they still can't find it, I read it to them over the phone. But only under special circumstances.
First, they have to say "pretty please." Second, they have to conga.
World's greatest eggnog, again
2 cups bourbon
1 1/8 cups sugar
6 egg yolks
4 cups whipping cream
Pour bourbon into very large mixing bowl. Stir in sugar. Let sit several hours -- overnight if you can wait.
Beat egg yolks (no whites) until they are an ugly yellow color. Fold them into bourbon-sugar mixture. Let sit for two hours. If you can wait.
Whip cream until stiff. Fold into the bourbon-egg mixture. Let sit for one hour. If you can wait.
Serve in cups -- this makes about 20 -- with spoons. It is thathick.
Mixture can be doubled if you are smart enough to figure ouwhat twice 1 1/8 is.
Nutmeg not permitted.