Get out the dunce caps
Maybe the season started too soon. Look at some of the moves the coaches made last week:
*Dan Henning of the San Diego Chargers called for a fake punt in the fourth quarter with the lead on fourth-and-six at the Dallas Cowboys 48. His team lost.
*Rod Rust of the New England Patriots tried a fake field-goal attempt with the lead on fourth-and-16 in the fourth quarter against the Miami Dolphins. His team lost.
*Bruce Coslet of the New York Jets tried a tight-end reverse on third down inside the Cincinnati Bengals' 1 with the lead. His team lost.
*Wayne Fontes of the Detroit Lions gave Barry Sanders the ball only 14 times and didn't let him touch it for 25 minutes at one stretch.
*Jim Mora of the New Orleans Saints tried a pass on third down in the final two minutes instead of running time off the clock and lost to the San Francisco 49ers.
Henning, Rust and Coslet said they misfired, but Fontes and Mora defended their play-calling.
"My coaches called the right plays," Fontes said.
After Tony Mandarich of the Green Bay Packers made fast-food commercials mocking the Bears, coach Mike Ditka of the Bears said: "I know one thing. Trace [Armstrong, who's fighting an ankle injury] would love to be 100 percent to line up against Bozo."
Armstrong plays against Mandarich, who said: "I just got paid for it and read it. The money was right."
Rating the questions
Les Shapiro, host of "The Dan Reeves Show" in Denver, asked Reeves why he put John Elway back in for the Broncos' last drive after Elway had come out because the heat was bothering him.
"That's a dumb question," Reeves said.
Reeves later said he was upset because of criticism on the talk shows.
"I heard all that junk going in, and it hit me wrong. I'm human. I make mistakes. I was worried before anybody said anything," he said.
Would you buy a new car from this owner?
Former Eagles assistant Ted Plumb, who now works for the Phoenix Cardinals and will be back in Philadelphia today when his new team plays the Eagles, said of Eagles owner Norman Braman, "He's a car dealer, a financial guy who doesn't know anything about football."
What was that again?
Tampa Bay coach Ray Perkins on running back Gary Anderson: "He's a great player. He ceases to amaze me every day."
How about Mars?
Lester Hayes, the former Raider, on where Al Davis should go: "I believe he should attempt to go to the Galapagos Islands. He could have 100,000 iguanas as fans."
How about a shave?
Barry Sanders, who signed a $5.9 million contract last year, still cuts his own hair.
Taking the blame?
Bernie Kosar of the Cleveland Browns, who was sacked seven times in the opener, said: "It's in the best interests of our team for me to just keep my mouth shut and assume the responsibility, if that's where people want to put it, even if it's not all warranted."